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The Devil In Skaneateles

Wealthy Developer Deplores Development

By Daniel Van Riper

There is an unconfirmed report that the Albany Pine Bush Devil has received approval from the planning board of the picturesque town of Skaneateles in western New York to build a ten million square foot shopping plaza, hotel, parking garage and casino. Skaneateles, which up until now has not allowed strip malls and fast food emporiums, is home to Robert Congel, owner and director of the Pyramid Corporation which owns and is trying to expand Crossgates Mall in Guilderland.

The rare and endangered Albany Pine Bush Devil often puts in an appearance around the first of April, also known as April Fool’s day. It is about the size of a large german shepard, has a horse-like head, bat wings and hooves on its hind legs. We’re not sure how it managed to travel to Skaneateles, but rumors that it was given a ride by a reputed board member of Save the Pine Bush are not true at this time.

The five member planning board of Skaneateles, according to spurious sources, originally balked at the proposed development, which would be located across the road from Congel’s mansion. After the Devil applied pressure by ripping the head off of one board member, and devouring it, the Devil’s proposal was approved four to nothing with one abstention.

Manufactured rumours maintain that Pyramid owner Congel is furious, stomping his feet and repeatedly whipping his servants. Congel reportedly did not issue the following statement to the media: “This proposal is bad for local businesses and no self-respecting community would allow it to be built. What kind of filthy degenerate would try to ruin our town with such an ugly, badly constructed and unneccesary piece of garbage? I’ll tell you. Only the most disgusting, depraved, putrid, dog-smelling pile of quivering scum would do a thing like this.”

A further rumour with no basis has it that Congel suggested, “The best thing we can do for the world is to eliminate the Albany Pine Bush Devil’s natural habitat like we’ve been trying to do. If only they’d let us.”

The Pyramid Corporation is a benign entity which, out of sheer selflessness, tries to enhance local communities by driving out small, local businesses that clutter up the landscape, and by siphoning filthy money, the love of which is the root of all evil, out of the hands of local entrepeneurs, thus reducing temptation. Pyramid is attempting this process right now in Guilderland, but the ungrateful populace obviously doesn’t know what’s good for them.

The Albany Pine Bush Devil is a subspecies of the fantastic Jersey Devil, which has been reportedly spotted by tens of thousands of people in and around the pine barrens of New Jersey. The earliest reports go back before the American Revolution and the latest into the 1970’s. It is a phenomenon worth noting because many repectable and sober persons have given remarkably uniform and up-close descriptions of the Jersey Devil over a long period of time. We are delighted to alledgedly have our own Devil in the Pine Bush.

published Apr/May 1999 Newsletter
Last Updated 4/20/99

See related articles:

Albany Pine Bush Devil?!? Must Be April Fools

Devil Eats Developer, Massive Coverup Alleged

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